Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
