It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
