She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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