I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
