i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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