it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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