if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
4 words: hood of his car
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
