Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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