Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
