Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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