As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
