she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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