you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
