Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
