I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He shit in the fireplace
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
