I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
