What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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