I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
