that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
