i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
