jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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