Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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