a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
