champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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