I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I need to align my fucking chakras
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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