mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
