its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
