there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
