saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
