I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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