Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
