So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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