So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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