so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize