I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
