In the future we'll all be gay
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
