Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize