its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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