he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
