I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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