can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
