Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
