see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
