I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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