The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
