i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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