Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
