She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize