Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the day after is always just damage control
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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