it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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