just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize