took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
