I wish my penis had an off switch
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
