You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
