And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
