i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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