people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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