I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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