im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
