I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
