In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
