This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
