just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
