At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
