I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize