So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
