I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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