5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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