She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
