Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
