i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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