He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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