thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
