When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
