sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
