apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
